So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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