my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
