She is in my trunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
