I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize