I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
