One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
