Its about making memories worth repressing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
