Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dicks are not precious.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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