Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
