oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
