We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
