Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
