Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
