i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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