ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
