A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
