THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
