Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
