He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
