Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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