I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
