So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
