i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
