I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
