butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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