Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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