My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
