We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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