dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
