lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
