and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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