would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
