So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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