Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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