I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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