She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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