If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize