so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
