While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize