i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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