there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
