I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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