One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
