and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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