The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
