Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
