he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
