i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
