You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
