Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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