get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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