Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The uberlube is also flammable
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
