We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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