giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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