I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
