Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize