Im at strip club and am horny
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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