Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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