I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize