According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
