saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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