That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
