My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't just leave with hair like that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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