Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
