There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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