So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
