I heard we made out
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
