I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
